This blurb alright?


#1

It’s Hell on Earth for mankind when the dead start crawling back to life. Despite the chaos, orphaned siblings Jack and Lulu stuck together. When they’re cornered by death, however, Jack shows just how thin his blood is by abandoning Lulu to a pack of hungry corpses.

Once they dine 'n dash, Lulu doesn’t rest in peace. In fact, she awakens as one of the undead. So she sets one goal for herself: hunt down Jack and take him out for a bite. But when Lulu’s one-track mind joins forces with her junk food addiction, the sweet-toothed zombie gets a little distracted along the way.

٩(๑´0`๑)۶


#2

@spicy_sweets I think it’s a good blurb. It does it’s job of hooking the reader in and it doesn’t sound boring at all. I like the play on words like the “take him out for a bite” line. It sounds interesting. If you post it let me know!

wattpad: @novelsbytia


#3

Thank you! It’s already posted, but once I work out its kinks I’ll tell you the title. :>


#4

Why do all these puns work so well. The blurb’s a really good length too; you don’t just look at it and see a bunch of/one huge paragraph.

This blurb seems to have already gone through a thorough editing process, a good few times? It’s helped.

Suggestions… Make sure the blurb’s suitable for the intended audience. Reading the blurb, it seems like this is for kids, but at the same time, it seems a bit mature (what with the zombies and death references)? Perfect, attention-catching blurb; I’d open the book, but I’m not quite sure who this work is aimed at.


#5

I don’t know if it’s just me but…

I like the sentences individually, but reading them together, something feels off.


#6

@Lumi Like, every sentence being its own paragraph or something else?

@Levo Thanks! There used to be a critique circle In the IYW section that really helped me build critiques. As for the audience… it’s more YA-New Adult and has pretty suggestive themes. But the MC is pretty uh… nonchalant(or tries to be) about the whole ideal so I was trying to get that across with the blurb. Should I tone the puns down though?


#7

When I read it out loud, it doesn’t quite flow.

“Despite” “When” “In fact” “So” “But”

Those words kinda break up the flow for me.


#8

Ahh woops, misread your comment. cx

I’ll keep that in mind, thanks!


#9

Nice to see how the critique circle helped!

Puns have an undeservedly bad reputation, but their careful, precise use in your blurb is what really makes it stand out; they set your MC’s playful tone, and make you remember the book when you think ‘Hey, no one dares use puns; did someone just use them and use them right?’

The only thing in your blurb that worried me is that the YA/New Adult audience might think the whole ‘li’l kid brother and sister’ theme is too young for them; but I’d say that’s where the blurb passes the baton to the cover, really; it’d have to seem young adult.


#10

Ohhh, the siblings are adults. The MC is 19 (in the beginning), and the brother 21.


#11

Oh, that does make a lot more sense now.

Hey, I was thinking about your blurb and (I’m going to be honest cause this seems good and I want to see this become something great) but something left a bad taste; the words ‘hunt down Jack and take him out for a bite’.

They insinuated to me that the MC’s goal was to hunt down her brother and kill him, and that there’d be a ‘bad ending’. I (and people too, I’d suppose) didn’t want to invest myself into a book to be dissatisfied with a bad ending; but when I saw your post in the ‘Your character’s bio’ thread, it showed that Lulu didn’t seem to want to kill him at all; she just wanted to know the reason for his betrayal.

Let’s just say, the bad taste vanished, and I feel like that bit of information would have been right at home in the blurb. So, perhaps in your blurb, you could edit the earlier-mentioned phrase with something like "Lulu doesn’t want to believe Jack would have just abandoned her. So she sets one goal for herself: to hunt down Jack, confront him once and for all and find out the real reason why’. Or something to that effect.


#12

Ohhh, I see! Tbh, she isn’t really decisive on what she wants to do because although he did a shit move, he’s still her brother. It’s kinda like she’s see-sawing between killing him (because he practically killed her by sacrificing her to zombies), confronting him, or talking to him in hopes of just being in his presence. Though I’m wondering how to make this clear in the blurb.