Quick question: Would the tenses come out a little better if I were to write in first-person narrative? I mean I write decent in first person than third-person.
They’d still be distracting for me as a reader.
So, it would not matter whether in first or third person?
You’ll get through it somehow.
That’s what rewrites are for.
It’s tense change. That’s going to be a problem whether you’re writing in first person or third.
Maybe you won’t like what I have to say. Maybe it’s just you and you have to change your attitude. On the other hand maybe your story really has nothing going on in some parts and is boring, or maybe you’re just fatigued about writing about the same thing.
I’ve experienced this feeling and it is not pleasant. I once started writing a book where I knew the characters and plot weren’t that interesting but kept writing anyway. When you aren’t enthusiastic about what you’re writing that’s when you have to stop and think about the future of your novel.
So in my experience, if you’re not enthusiastic about what you’re writing (and writing rules say you absolutely should make an effort to make every chapter interesting and not leave any pointless chapters) you have to either spice things up big time or abandon the idea.
On the other hand you might be bored with writing about the same thing. I have about 5 projects/novels in different stages of development. One is 95% complete. If I didn’t go to my other projects from time to time I would have gone mad and lost all inspiration.
Strange enough, this is just a rough draft though. Why should I get so worked up over a rough draft when I am going to either edit/revise or rewrite later? This isn’t even the finished product. But I get where you are coming from.
Your story is a decent draft, but misspellings and minor gramtical mistakes may tank your readership. Also, please show and not tell, it makes everything more intriguing. Finally, I would really like to get attached to the character, or try to make the reader invest their feelings in the character. I didn’t feel much of all of these. Now now, I’m not saying it’s horrible. Keep at it and fix your mistakes. I know I have a lot of them.
Thanks so much.
Okay so, with every first chapter I have ever written, I have hated it at some point. Like, I tend to rewrite chapter 1 a few times before I post it but I never delete the whole thing, just certain parts which really annoy me.
Sometimes if you’re working on something all day every day, you end up thinking it’s worse than it actually is. So maybe you need to take a break from it for a few days. When you read your chapter with fresher eyes, you might feel differently about it.
Question: why did you write in third person if you feel more comfortable writing in first?
I quickly read about half of your chapter and here are some things I noticed:
- It’s been said but you change tense a lot. Personally, when I write in third person, I always find it easier to stick with past tense.
-Lots of necessary punctuation missing, like commas. And a couple of typos. E.g. ‘Other day’ sounds like it should be ‘another day’.
- Once again, already mentioned, but show more, stop telling us everything. Is there stuff maybe you could mention in another chapter, like the nightmares about his past? Or if you do keep the nightmares bit, don’t say it’s about his past, just leave it open ended.
- Try not to be too repetitive. E.g. in your first paragraph, you mention sleep 3 times and groaning twice. It’s better if you use those words once. Also, you already said Felix was Kennard’s best friend so you don’t need to say again that they are ‘very close friends’.
- You could also shorten some sentences- E.g. Kennard swung his legs off the bed and went to open the curtains.
- After Felix catches sight of Kennard, the paragraph explaining Conquistador disrupts the flow of the chapter. It’s fine to explain what Conquistador is in this chapter since the reader won’t know but you don’t have to give us all the info in one paragraph. Like maybe becoming a Conquistador for revenge could be something revealed later? Is Kennard wanting revenge a big part of the story?
I don’t think you need the ‘which’ here.
- Also been mentioned, but you definitely need to show more emotion within your main character. I feel a little disconnected from Kennard.
Anyway, I think overall, you have a lot of interesting things in the chapter, you just need to work on the structure and refine some of your sentences.
Hope this was vaguely helpful! Keep writing!
Wow. I seriously need a good editor or something. I can’t deal with this terrible writing that I do. Even though it is a rough draft.
Anyway, thank you very much for the honesty.
No, it’s not that you are a bad writer. Believe me, I’ve seen worse. Go through it, comb out some mistakes is what we are saying. No pressure, but put out the best you can.
OK, let’s take your first para. If this is the opening para to your book, it needs to grab the reader. One of the most hated openers is the waking up in bed one. How about having Kennard drinking coffee in his kitchen, dog tired through lack of sleep, plagued by nightmares, and knowing his job will be tougher because of it? It can be such a simple, concise para that will do the trick. Your reader needs to think for themselves too. You don’t need to show him walking to the window to draw back the drapes. You can just say, “At the window, he opened the curtains…”
I hope this helps. Good writing is snappy and concise. Never be afraid to get out the red editing pen.
Aw, thanks for the tip.
Same here. Why do you think I have something like 29 novels in various stages of completion?
Your writing is not terrible. I’ve critiqued a lot of books in the past and there are worse written stories out there.
Having an editor is always useful though. No book published in real life is published without being edited first after all.
And rough drafts are supposed to be imperfect so you don’t have to get everything right first time round. The more you write, the more feedback you get, the better you will become as a writer so try not to stress too much.
Thanks a bunches!
Delete it and start from scratch