Titan's Lens - Science Fiction.

Hey there, getting back into Wattpad again and thought I’d share my latest story.

Title: Titan’s Lens.

Summary/ Pitch:
The day Edward coughed up blood was the day he decided to enlist.

In the far distant future, seventeen year old Edward is diagnosed with a rare disease that causes great pain when around electronic devices and he soon hatches a plan to join the military. He hacks into his medical facility and falsifies his records and leaves his home planet. Leaving behind his idyllic ocean planet behind. Along with his family and friends.

Along the way, he trains in high-G and executes his plan to steal a sarcophagus. A ancient relic created by long dormant Titan A.Is. The device is used by the nobility of the worlds to heal any injury and cure illnesses of any kind.

He travels to Callae. The Hollow world. There, an underground civilization is under constant war against machines deep under the planet’s crust. He then trains in this new alien world and soon finds himself sent to the frontlines.

During this time he meets a woman named Sa’abat Prahuul. She is the daughter of the Hollow King of Callae and trains with Edward at the academy. There, he is introduced to the strange culture of these underground people.

For in this society, the more skilled you are in combat the closer to the surface you are assigned.

Edward gets sent to the bottom.
There, he meets ‘The Rats’. A military unit comprised of the most unskilled soldiers that take on the dangerous task of mapping tunnels and disarming bombs. They soon embark on a mission and meet an unlikely ally. Seven. A rogue A.I.

Intended audience: YA and up. Its not going to be very explicit or gratuitous. It is more mature then most YA sci-fi novels, but has a young main character and deals with growing up into a leader.

Length: This is a single story from my Sci-fi Epic of the same name. However, it can stand on its own book. 100k words is expected.

Main plot archetypes:
Underdog sports story. ‘The Rats’ become his new family and despite the odds against them they succeed in the end.

Major themes: Do you weaknesses make you a better person? The Main POV is on the wrong side of that and believes he needs to get rid of his weaknesses.

Cultural Themes: Underground society is very similar to middle eastern cultures and has themes of A.I, class divide, and military industrial complex.

Major Turing point: When he decides to sacrifice himself to save his new found family or cure his illness.

Romance Subplot: Main POV falls in love with woman of the ruling class.

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Hi @IliadBooks, while your story sound’s interesting, a pitch should go through all the main plot points, in particular the ending. What is their mission? What leads to him being forced to choose to sacrifice himself? How does it end?

Additonally, you bring up several characters without explaining their importance.He meets Sa’abat and she trains with him, why is she important enough to be named, or mentioned at all? I get the feeling she might be the one you’re talking about with the romance subplot, but you typically don’t need subplots in the pitch except where they effect the main plot (ex: if he was forced to pick between his love interest and his unit) and in a very abreviated form (Ex: he falls in love with the daughter of the Hollow king). Then we have Seven. Whhat makes her an unlikely ally? Why is finding her so important to the main plot ?

Finally, you loose me a bit between the sarcaphagus and traveling to Callae. If searching for the sarcauphagus is his primary goal/the primary plot, it should remain clear how his actions will help him achieve that goal.

Good Luck!

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My only critique (not sure if this is what we’re supposed to be doing) is that the summary is a bit confusing. I’m not totally sure if the summary connects back to your major themes and archetypes. The summary starts out like retrieving the sarcophagus is the main goal and then it goes from the sarcophagus to him fighting machines in a completely different planet. It almost feels like two similar but different stories. I’m sure once completely fleshed out everything will connect, but as of now between the sarcophagus and the Hollow World it is disjointed.
I hope this helps and good luck :slightly_smiling_face:

Heyo!

This looks sort of like your back copy description, not necessarily a pitch since it’s missing the ending (I think?).

If you update it with all of the information, ping me again and I can come review.

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