unsent messages // 1.0


#187

just wanted to let you know that i still care. i just dont talk much anymore. but it doesnt matter anymore. no matter what i do its all gonna end anyway.


#188

Will I be remembered?
I’m so tired.
Will I make it?
Nobody understands.
But nobody suspects that you’re hurting too.
I hate pity. But I seek sympathy?
Why am I always nice to everyone but myself?
Why are you so annoying?
Is it just me or is it getting worse?
How much longer am I stuck here?
When will I break free? Will I break free?
I’m not sure how much longer I can stand.
When will it end?
Too much.


#189

I seem to have become partial to a sparkly, dangly, clip on earring. Save me.

…or buy me lots.


#190

mom, i have to tell you something. i know i said i wasnt [retracted] but in all honestly i really was. please dont be mad, im so sorry


#191

why do you ignore so much? i know i do it a lot to you but you;ve never seemed bothered by it. if you were i know you would have told me about it.


#192

why would you tell [retracted] all of that? that was something that was meant for you and you only. i trusted you to keep my problem between us. now youve got [retracted] worried about me. she feels guilty for leaving me now because she thinks what i did was her fault.


#193

why are you such an ass sometimes? you can be so good to be and then suddenly calling me boring and ignore my messages. stereotypical gemini tbh


#194

I know i told you that I didn’t want you to change…but people do change for the better. Might as well just try it?


#195

My mind is racing… please be okay.


#196

please do not be at J’s house. I’m thinking all kinds now… it’s been over half an hour.
I want to go look but at the same time I do not. I could vomit.


#197

Why can’t you understand that I don’t want to be home anymore but I don’t have anywhere to go? I’m hurt and alone and all I want is to be away for a few hours so why must you be so self centered and keep refusing to help me when I ask for it. Aren’t we friends? Sometimes I even think to myself that I’d sell my body to you if it meant you’d take me away for a bit. I’m running out of options and time. Please don’t push me I really don’t want to do something drastic.


#198

You tell me you care so why do you not when I need you to care because no one else cares can help me?


#199

I’m hurting please come get me please. I’m begging you.


#200

Ana,
The first time I saw you, I saw a pale, frail girl that was afraid and nervous of her surroundings.
But also beautiful.
God damn, you were beautiful.
I always used to tell you that, but you always passed it off as a joke. Heh. You know, you were the first one that I had ever found beautiful. And not just your face, or your body.
Every part of you.
Your dazzling smile that made me warm from inside, your amusing face that you made when I made fun of you, your sad face as you talked about your past. I loved every bit. I loved you, you know?
Whenever you were going through your bad thoughts, I just wanted to hold you tight, forever. I wanted you to see the love I had for you.
I wanted you to look at me, smile at me more, and just be with me more. I know, I was getting selfish. Just talking to you and making you laugh with all my silly jokes should’ve been enough.
But, what can I do? The heart wants what it wants, right?
You know, I was gutted that I didn’t get a chance to dance with you. As another guy held your hands and your delicate waist, I wanted to fuck him up. I wanted to be him. I wanted to touch you, and feel your smile like the bright sunshine.

I wish you felt what I felt. I wish you did not have a boyfriend. I wish that you were mine. God, there are so many things I wished. They never came true. But that’s alright, at least I have the memories. Memories of you.

So dear Ana, I wish you all the best for your life.

Please take care of yourself.

And thank you.

Thank you for giving the 19 year old me with the experience of having the feelings that I never thought I would ever have had.

Thank you Ana, and goodbye.

I will always remember your smile and what it made me feel :slight_smile:


#201

what are you gonna do when i finally [retracted]? will you miss me?


#202

I am so glad it was not at your house. I worried so much!


#203

Just realize that she’ll break your heart so you could stop hurting as much as you have lately. I know it isn’t my place to say but I want to know that you will be alright, and that she won’t break you more than you already are…please be safe. Remember that I will always be here for you, no matter what.


#204

I’ve been out of it for so long. I’m wasting my life away. When will I get back into it? Will I? I’m so tired.


#205

I told you so.


#206

you know, i always like to rebel against the whole concept of being emotional and stuff but i actually have a shit ton of feelings and i just don’t know what to do with them

also thank you for giving me this amazing song