“Virginity” in Teen Fiction

Hi fellow TeenFic writers. I have an idea and a few questions. I’d love to hear all opinions even if they are different than mine.

I feel as though TeenFic writers have a bit more responsibility with how our stories portray certain topics, since our target audience is usual one that is young and impressionable. I’ve read a lot of teen fic novels that touch on virginity and some that even revolve around it. Usually the girl is seen as “good, pure and innocent” if she hasn’t had sex and the boys are seen as “pathetic” or “less of a man”

We’ve seen the virginal girl in most hit stories.
Twilight- Edward didn’t want to steal her virtue.
FSOG- She was more attractive to him because no other man has touched her.
After- ^ same as FSOG, completely fetishizes virginity and likes dresses that make her look pure and virginal.

I really want to challenge these concepts in my story. I was thinking of two of my characters having a discussion about this. My MC is a “virgin” and will not have sex in the book. I’d like for her to challenge someone for saying “lose your virginity.” As if it is something that makes her less than before.

On that same note, I want it to be clear that not having had sex before and waiting for as long as you want is okay as well. For men and women.

I worry however that people will think that I’m somehow encouraging readers to go out and have sex.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this so that it comes out that whether you are a virgin or not does not define whether or not you are pure or attractive?
Is this a point of view that you think would be better off avoided or left out of the story?

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Also, if you have read or written a teen fic novel that does mention this point of view please point me in that direction. I would love to give it a read.

I agree with you. The views around virginity in media are complete bull. I’d definitely encourage you to help break down the stigma, but if you’re worried about promoting reckless behavior, approach it from a mature standpoint.

Instead of ‘Sex is good and fun. I don’t want to wait around for the right one.’ you could say something like, ‘Sex is fun, but make sure you do it safely. Find someone you trust and take measures to be responsible.’

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Thank you! I was thinking of having them blatantly discuss the topic. For example:

Friend: “Are you going to lose your virginity to him?”

MC: “What does that even mean? Lose my virginity? Am I going to find it later, stuffed in the couch cushions along with the remote and melted m&ms or…”

Friend: “You know what I mean. It’s just an expression.”

MC: “Well, I hate that expression. When I am ready and decide to experience that, I will not be any less of a person than I was before it.”

And so on…

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Yeah. I think that’ll work well!

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Sex is now becoming a player in my story. My character has slept with one guy who she dated for two years. He ended up coming out of the closet to her, but they remained in the relationship for a while longer to avoid being hassled by their friends.

The love interest in mine has only ever been in one relationship (for a very long time) and has also only slept with one woman.

Though I’ve had sex with a lot of people (more than I care to admit to), I didn’t lose my virginity until nineteen and even then it was not by choice.

Virginity is not about being pure, it’s about not being ready. It doesn’t make you the perfect little preacher’s daughter just because you haven’t found anyone who’s worth taking that next step with.

If your character wants to challenge someone who’s encouraging her to hook up, she should let them know that this is not something she can ever get back and no amount of pressure is going to encourage her to give it away to the next guy who wants it. It’s that simple. The person she sleeps with for the first time she should be able to remember twenty years down the line with happiness, not regret.

You can also feel free to look this sort of thing up on google, as I’m sure there will be quite a few results.

The female in my book asks her love interest if he’d ever had a one night stand. When he replied that e almost did a few months back but decided not to, she asked him why. His reply was that sex was about an emotional connection for him and he didn’t want to sleep with anyone he wouldn’t be happy waking up next to in the morning.

For me, that’s how sex should be seen.

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Thank you for the reply. No one is pressuring my character. It’s more just a question between friends. did it come off that way in the dialogue I posted? I don’t want it to seem that way.

I just really don’t like the way virginity is treated in teen novels and would like to show that having sex for the first time doesn’t make you any less of a good person. It doesn’t make a girl a slut or a boy a man. I hope that makes sense.

There are a lot of girls reading these stories, who haven’t had the choice of who, when and where. There will be girls who did decide to experience sex already and there will be girls who aren’t ready.

I want my character to tell the reader, it’s all okay. Whatever your circumstances may be, you are strong, smart, attractive and you are nothing less than someone who is on a different journey.

Does all of that make sense. I tend to ramble.

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Makes perfect sense.

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Virginity, like a lot of things, is a social construct. The fact we’re still so deeply ingrained in this puritanical “don’t have sex or you’ll die/go to hell” line of thinking is so tragic and toxic.

So like. By all means, an alternate viewpoint deconstructing “virginity” would be nice to see.

I also echo that it’d be good to come at it from a common sense standpoint. So not so much “I’ll just fuck whoever I want with no regards, sex is fun!” and more like “I want to do this and I should do it with proper precautions in place”

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I’ve written about this topic in a few of my stories that I plan to self-publish someday.

The girl (17) is a virgin and her boyfriend wants to get extra close to her but she tells him that she is saving herself for marriage and she doesn’t want to deal with a lot of serious things at the moment. He backs off and respects her wishes.

Another girl (15) also had a boyfriend that wanted to take their relationship to the next level but she told him that she didn’t want to put herself in a compromising position and she wanted to wait. And he back off.

Another girl (17) was sexually active and was dating a 25-year-old guy and she wasn’t ostracized in the story. It was just normal to her and her friends. She only dated one guy at a time and preferred to be friends first before they became romantic and protect herself.

I like to write a variety of characters and stories.

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I don’t address it specifically, but my MC in Little Wolf is waiting, and when he find “the one” he also finds that he wants to wait for that perfect night, preferably their wedding night.

While I still have to write more in Mercenary Wolf, my MC there has been around, but never been in a serious relationship. Now that he’s started one, he isn’t in any hurry for sex, he’s just trying to figure the relationship out.

So I put it out there, that having a special relationship means you seriously consider the consequences of your actions, and you take sex in that relationship seriously, because if you don’t, it’s no different than a casual fling or one night stand.

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I feel I should point out here that there’s nothing particularly wrong with a casual fling or a one night stand, as long as it’s safe and both parties fully consent. A lot of people in this thread are talking about the “emotional connection” of sex. Which is great, I understand that’s something that a lot of people value - but it’s not like sex without emotional connection is something wrong or bad. You don’t need to lose your virginity to “the one” if you don’t want to. Sex is a natural healthy human behavior, with or without an emotional attachment (again provided it’s both safe and consensual).

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Being a virgin doesn’t make a person pure… It’s absurd to think like that, as though people who are not virgins are impure! I, personally, do not believe so. So you can go ahead with your idea.
I also think that it isn’t necessary that a teen should lose their virginity in order to qualify as a teen. People who think that way are stupid (no offence, I just expressed whatever I felt)

I’m saying all these being a virgin (I’m mentioning this to take out the doubts in your heads)

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This is so cute!! I would definitely fall in love with a person like this :joy:

I think a good way to show either way is okay is to have two different female characters, one a virgin, the other not, and portray them both as attractive, desirable, and basically not depicting one as “more” or “less” than the other. Also, obviously portraying them in non-stereotypical ways, i.e. the virgin isn’t a pure innocent cinnamon roll but maybe more flirtatious and just doesn’t feel ready to do the do yet, or the non-virgin isn’t a virgin anymore because she’s been in a committed relationship for some years, or maybe because she’s experimented with some guys (or girls) because she was curious about the experience, or whatever else. There’s plenty of possibilities!

You should definitely address this point though! I think it’s an important issue, and a whole lot of stories (and people) still get very hung up on it. And it’s important for teens from both sides to see themselves represented fairly in a story!

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I think virginity is matter of choice and responsibility as well.
You can lost it or you can safe it until marriage. Both is okay and does not matter. :v

Just… Please be safe during sex and use protection. I hate when people get pregnancy outside marriage and they have no idea how big that responsibility. You waste your youth if you aren’t ready for one. My mother went through that. Well, she is happy because both my brother and me never make trouble and end up as good adult, but she sometimes regret the fact that she never get into university or spend time with her friend since she was busy taking care of children :confused:

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Yes I understand that all too well. I became a mother at seventeen. I love my children with everything I have but I wouldn’t ever recommend teenage parenting.

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I got married at 18, and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone either.

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I love books that don’t portray sex as something only bad girls do. Something I loved about The Kissing Booth (I didn’t read the book, only watched the movie) was that they had sex and it was totally normal. I don’t like sex being portrayed as perfect and only having to be done with someone you love, because it’s totally okay to be sexually active however you want to be.

One of the ways I wanted to toy with breaking the stereotype is that my MC had been wanting to lose her virginity for awhile, but didn’t because she knew she wasn’t supposed to. She ended up losing it out of spite for someone, but she didn’t regret it, and evaluated how she felt about her views on her having sex afterwards.

I thought condoms and birth control weren’t that effective until about a year ago (I’m 23) because so many of my friends and old classmates were having babies. Then I realized no one wraps their willy before they get silly.

So, life pro tip for all you people out there on Wattpad: PLEASE USE PROTECTION. No matter what stories or movies or friends or anyone says about it. If you’re not ready for the responsibility of having a child, please do not take the risk. Wrap it before you tap it. Don’t rely on your partner for it - have it yourself so you’re ready. Your sexual health is totally in your control!