Wattys Bootcamp Mentorship Program: Workshop II – Blurb

This thread is meant for mentee applicants for the Wattys 2020 Bootcamp, a unique mentorship program to get your manuscript Wattys ready. Please do not post here unless you intend to submit your manuscript. More information can be found on WP under the BootcampMentors profile.

Welcome to our second workshop, the enticing blurb. This time, I would like all of us to participate since a good blurb can benefit from all kinds of reader feedback. We are all readers, so lets give lots of feedback.

I’m sure we all have written our fair share of blurbs, so without further ado, let’s get started.

Please be kind. This is meant as a learning opportunity and not to cut anyone down. The workshop doesn’t look for perfection.

Tagging everyone who has expressed an interest to get the ball rolling:

@MochaVonBee @Silenesea6 @DomiSotto @Ellen_Reese @Adairx
@Glory_feeling2 @Loutka @floranocturna @SammiBSykes @naseeming @hetachokshi @Connor_Collins @GenoGlitch_01 @HannWhee @Chrysbliss @Nablai
@Scaren @Maraudin @DanGarrett @doofinshzmertz5 @houseofmirrors @TCK613 @risen_phoenix @LACannon @KaitNelson @Wryneck @Eternalautumnfire @chieftaytay @Kamiccola @fallynsinclair @talia_8 @ablueartist @AmiTheDarkLady @DragonFreakGaming78 @Silenesea6 @booklored

Sorry I missed the summary workshop! I just couldn’t get it done on time!
Here’s my current blurb:

“I am a man who should not be alive. A man who has been cursed by the gods to bear this burden of The Dark within me. A man who has looked death in the face a thousand times, and conquered it. I am…The Grim.”

Solan the Grim is dead. He was killed by the Fell Beasts of Garmath. No, he was murdered at the hands of his silver-blooded father in Karthénos. Actually, he was beheaded by the Elf Prince of Prastömin for his crimes. Strangled by an infamous smuggler of Nëthuania; perhaps he is not dead at all.

The half-mortal bastard son of an Elf Duke, Solan de Ciudelago must either stay hidden, or stay dead. His mere existence has tumbled the Eastern Lands into the largest - and longest - genocidal crusade against his own kind. The fragile peace between men and elves is fraying, alliances are waning, and the bonds of blood are breaking.

Until now, Solan’s lot in life was mere survival. What he doesn’t know, is that his head may be the bargaining chip needed to quell the inevitable war. Or, perhaps, he is naught but a pawn in a much more sinister plot to destroy the fragile peace between day and night.

6 Likes

Don’t worry, we will have another Summary workshop in three weeks for everyone who missed out or wants to post revisions.

4 Likes

I look forward to that! Missed mine as well :frowning:

Yay! I’ll hopefully be done with it in a few days!

Here is my current blurb:

As the bastard son of the King of Evimeria, Ezekiel Ellerman is the last Descendant of the Stars. Shunned by his Grandfather Andreas when he was a small child, and forced to rip off his supernatural powers, Ezekiel sought sanctuary in a sleepy town, as a student at an average all-boys boarding school.

At Stonewall, Ezekiel has stayed hidden until the day that a near-fatal accident reawakens his power in front of the entire royal court. His mystical abilities aren’t the only revelation. An incomplete prophecy convinces Ezekiel that there is also an impending threat within his universe - a celestial instability grows stronger each day, just as Ezekiel’s powers do.

Now Ezekiel must battle against a scheming grandfather who despises him, and the other nobles who crave to learn the secrets of his power and the prophecy, while trying to find a way to save all of their ungrateful lives. But perhaps Ezekiel’s biggest challenge might be avoiding the bitterness and darkness, threatening to implode, with a force as catastrophic as the stars.

If Ezekiel allows the light within himself to be seduced by the suffocating darkness, it would mean the end of an entire universe.

4 Likes

Ahhh, I missed the summary workshop too. But that’s because I’ve been thinking about switching which story I want to enter into The Watty’s as of lately. I’m not sure yet. For now, I’m still sticking with my first choice I talked about in the other thread.

This blurb has been through so many changes within the past few months, I officially lost count. For some reason, I’m just never satisfied. I finally settled on this one, but I still can’t tell if it’s satisfying or not. :sweat_smile:

Follow Me Home Blurb:
Summer is meant to be fun. But what’s so fun about discovering your mother has gone missing? Drastic times call for drastic measures; which means Hope Cohen must depend on the one person she hasn’t spoken to in three years. In a race against time, the best friends who once were, set off on their last adventure together.

Only this time, all odds are against them. And the mother she thought she knew, turns out to be the strangest stranger of all.

3 Likes

Sorry but I couldn’t take part in summary part! Here is my blurb
I like to keep it short but attention seeking…like children. Personally it is my favorite blurb so far…

❝Teach me.❞ ❝Teach you what?❞ ❝Teach me how to be a bad boy.❞
Elias Rodriguez has a crush on a certain cheerleader (since forever), but she has a thing for bad boys, not chemistry nerds. Lucky for him, the cheerleader’s best friend offers to coach him on how to be one. Will it work out for him or will he find love in an unlikely place? Only time will tell.
‘And it all started with training to be a jackass.’

3 Likes

Alright, Blurb time I guess

“Do you believe in Lady Destiny dear friend? That she sees the people walking on this measly world and gives them greater purpose?”
“Well, the lady seems to find a liking in maniacs that’s for sure.”
“VISIONARIES! WE ARE CALLED VISIONARIES FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”
“Right, you liked to use that word didn’t you?”

After (begrudgingly) taking his vacation, Drake thought that this year would be just as usual as the others. To his not so happy surprise however, the Umbra Mage was very wrong this time around.
An old ruin is found in the desert and their researchers can’t explain why and how it suddenly appeared, not having one clue about its origin. Concurrently, new trainees are coming in and Drake is appointed Mentor to two teenagers, letting them become his newest headache of the week as he tries to mentor them the best way he can.
With all that on the horizon, what adventure awaits this group? Well, there is only one way you can find it out, so go for it!
Have fun delving into a world full of magic and interesting new people!

3 Likes

I feel like I have a solid start to my blurb, but maybe the beginning could be more enticing? Here it is as of now:

Amber Blake hates Carter Hayes. She has since the day he walked out of her life after a childhood fight between him and her best friend, Mark. She never found out what drove them apart, or why she was caught in the crossfires, and after years of petty jabs between her and Carter, she’s given up trying to figure it out.

But when a heated moment between Amber and Carter morphs into something more, she’s thrown for a loop. Mark shows up and makes things worse, and suddenly all Amber wants is to forget. Forget Carter. Forget Mark. Forget everything.

Careful what you wish for…

When she wakes up the next day, she isn’t in her bed, she isn’t in her hometown, and she isn’t eighteen years old. In fact, she’s married…to Carter Hayes. Just like that, ten years of her life vanish.

As she tries to piece together her lost memories, Amber begins to uncover truths from the past. Mark is nowhere to be found, and dark secrets surrounding his absence make her question if she ever knew him at all. With Carter as her only key to unlocking what happened, she struggles to reconcile the boy she knew with the man standing by her now.

And when her dreams suggest a way to change history, things get a lot more complicated.

3 Likes

@SallyMason1 @Neverfakeit - Hello, ladies! Here is my first draft of a blurb for The Canvas Restorer’s Commitment. It’s 250 words. Thank you so much for your help with this!

Considering that he’s a leading Forensic Psychic, Jake Taberner completely failed to predict his flatmate’s reaction.

Admittedly, solo-parenting is a bold move, especially for someone with a life-limiting illness. But why should the aneurysm which caused his blindness be allowed to preclude him from experiencing fatherhood? Best friend and flatmate, Ryan Shale, is furious about him becoming a dad, so now he has to find himself a new home. But how is an unsighted dad meant to cope alone with a new-born baby in one of the UK’s roughest cities?

Considering that he’s such an astute Police Detective, Ryan Shale completely failed to pick up on his flatmate’s clues.

Life in their bachelor pad was peaceful and career-orientated until Jake suddenly announced that a baby is on its way. Further to a blazing row, Jake packed his belongings and left. Five lonely months later, the pair of them are still maintaining a stubborn silence, but time is fast running out. The tenancy agreement on their cherished apartment is almost up and Jake’s surrogate is due to give birth any time.

Suddenly, a glimmer of hope appears, as a mystifying death forces the two men back into one another’s path. It’s Ryan’s big chance to apologise but with the stammer from hell throttling him every step the way, it’s not going to be easy.

Can the man who can’t speak win back the trust of the man who can’t see, so that they can work out a way to go forward, together?

3 Likes

I am totally digging this blurb. I especially love the paragraph after the 1st person quote. The one that starts with ‘Solan the Grim is dead’ and ends with ‘perhaps he is not dead at all’. Brilliant!

Although I expect there are a fair few significant characters in your story, you don’t overburden the teaser with too much. You focus on the main character and offer enough information about what to expect from his world that I am left with no choice but to read your story and find out what happens to his head.
:star_struck:

3 Likes

Thank you!! Should I keep the quote? My original blurb didn’t have it.

Thanks so much for hosting this blurb workshop!

Here’s my blurb for THE PROBLEM WITH DYING

Voices, visions, and a pair of glowing hands. In the wake of his roommate’s murder—Torren has inherited a host of unexpected gifts.

The gruesome murder of college senior Davey Luna be raising more than a few eyebrows around campus. Instead, everyone from the police to the faculty seem to be turning a blind eye. Torren smells a cover-up, and is determined to get to the bottom of Davey’s untimely death.

Torren begins to suspect that Davey was caught up in something bigger than just sharking pool at Medea’s Sin—the night club owned by a mysterious gang implicated in Davey’s murder.

After discovering a pair of magic amulets and an old journal, Torren makes the decision to hunt down Davey’s murderer himself.

But, there’s a problem with dying. Dead men don’t give explanations…but maybe they can pierce the veil through magic. Torren and his remaining roommates must decipher Davey’s clues, or run the risk following him into the grave.

5 Likes

Hi there,
I redid my blurb for I was not happy with my original one for my story “Piper”. I’m also thinking it is not good to end it with a quote, right? So here’s my new version.

Life has its toils and blunders, but must an endless vendetta carry on? And aren’t dolls and figurines considered to be innocent toys for children to play with? But could they also hold a dark spirit waiting to be released?

A doll falls into the hands of the Hudson family for generations; unbeknownst to them that “it” was taking good care of them; in fact, it was too observant
that the doll has taken a life on her own as she took others with her.

Now that her mom passed away, Janneth Hudson, the last heir of the mysterious curse, has her hands full, as that same doll torments her life. She was desperate to end the vengeance of Piper. No matter if Piper had to be sacrificed under a burning bonfire with a witch’s chant. No matter if she had to involve a psychologist, his secretary and her social worker. At all costs she’d do anything if people just believed in her. She was not insane as many believed.

One thing is for sure the pesky Piper had to be locked up for good!

4 Likes

Ahhhh, I missed the summary workshop too! ç-ç I’m so glad there’ll be a new one soon! <3

If you could, I’d love to have your opinions about my blurb for “A bear in sheep’s clothing”, my entry for this year’s Wattys–and the story I’ll submit for the Bootcamp, yay. It’s a mix of LGBT+ superheroes with action/romance/sci-fi, and a lot of humor going on all the time.

When you’re a Villain, being intimate with a Hero is never a good idea, no matter how hot… I mean, how powerful he is.

And here’s the thing. Being a Supervillain? It’s great. Being a Supervillain under a world-dominant-megacorp-that-buys-slash-steals-life-force? … It’s amazing. Parties, lots of them. Also superpowers, bank robberies, TV appearances (in the news), evil schemes, explosions, and latte machines!

The very best ones… 'cause being selfish is great, right?

Or it was, because, for the Supervillain Léon Dickens (a.k.a Reality Warp) and his friends, Bureau Assassin and Parfait, things start to change when the internationally famous (and hot) Superhero, Grizzly Bear, decides to invade their HQ and–wait for it–ask for a job!

But why would an accomplished hero, one of the best, become a criminal? Why would he ask specifically to join Reality Warp’s team? Does he know what he’s getting into? And why in the world is he so attractive?

Well, that’s what Léon will try to discover while threading a dangerous path that leads to the truth behind the Heroic League, their ‘Heroes’ and their boss, The Mayor.

Because yeah, being selfish is great–but, really, sometimes even Villains have to think bigger.

4 Likes

Here’s my blurb.

Thanks to an epic fail of magical proportions, Merlin has become a suspect in his own missing person’s case. Stripped of his memories, unrecognizable and with cops on his tail, he has nowhere to run to. No one would believe that this nearsighted half-demon is the world-renowned magitech inventor they’re looking for. Not even him.

The perfect person to hide him from the law is a lonely winged boy who’s well familiar with the art of flying under the radar. Seri’s safe haven is the ideal hideout until he gets too attached and realizes that the closer Merlin gets to recovering his identity, the sooner he will lose him.

3 Likes

Here is my updated blurb from the first workshop for my story, The Art of Love.

Crae Morrough is just as alive as you and I, except the bulk of his emotions have slowly dissipated over time.
He grows up in the shadow of his successful parents, an established businessman and a best-selling author. Now he works at a job he doesn’t find fulfilment in after dropping out of college.

When tragedy strikes, he is forced to return to his hometown where ghosts of the past reside, awaiting him, and lies float amongst ears, spilling secrets like pieces of paper dispersed by the wind.

For most of his life, Crae has been searching for an escape.

When he bumps into a certain freckled face, he doesn’t know that he will find inner peace with this lost soul, and two others, as they all journey through the rocky roads of forgiveness and acceptance, and as Crae learns what it means to love again, and be loved in return.

1 Like

So well written… I’m hooked

1 Like

Thank you!

1 Like