What are your thoughts on this blurb?

Any input on this blurb would be greatly appreciated! I would love to know what works and what doesn’t work, if this would interest you enough to read the book, and what you would change. I’m always looking to improve my craft, and the best way to do that is through constructive criticism!

Delilah Redding is finally putting the pieces back together after a disastrous break-up two years ago. When a close friend asks a favor, Delilah is forced to face the cocky, infuriating, and attractive Keenan Brenner once again. Facing the past is never easy, but Delilah has no choice if she wants to survive the world of music, bright lights, and late night rehearsals – all while trying to forgive and heal from all the grief of the past.

The only thing I can say, is to expand it a little bit. E.g. after the first sentence, you could write about what’s good with her life now again after she ‘survived’ that breakup. Also, what favor does her friend ask for that she’s forced to face Keenan again? And maybe that way, you can also clear up what ‘the world of music, bright lights, and late night rehearsals’ entails.

All this will do—at least, I hope it does—is make it easier for the reader to know what’s going on and to sympathize with Delilah.

By the way, you already have a great start! I love your description of Keenan, because it gives a clear picture of him even before we get to know him, and the summary is already a great start for what can only be an amazing story.

I miss a description of Delilah as a person, not just a broken heart attached to the mighty sexy beast Keenan there.

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I do feel like facts were thrown at me out of nowhere, without a second thought.

First Paragraph- Her relationship with her ex and how it ended.

Second Paragraph- Her life now, how she’s healed and what she’s doing (sounds like she’s a musician, so paint this clearly). Show us who your character is so the reader connects.

Third Paragraph- How they are forced to reconnect, why it benefits her and a taste of the issues that arise from it.

Example:

Delilah Redding thought she had that forever kind of love, the love that great movies and incredible songs blossom from. She was certain that Keenan Brenner would propose any day until I she was hit with a reality check and he left her broken hearted and alone.

Now, Delilah is finally putting the pieces of her life together after he shattered it. She has friends and an incredible band who’s become like a second family to her. After two years, she’s happy, or at least closer to some version of happiness than she’s been since he walked away.

But when a friend asks her for a favor, one she cannot refuse, she is forced to face the former love of her life once again. He’s still just as cocky, just as infuriating and even more attractive than ever. While she’s determined not to fall for the same tricks that landed her in love the first time, she is forced to work by his side if she stands a chance in surviving in the music business.

All while trying to forgive and heal from all the grief of the past.

I’m definitely seeing where I could improve this now!

@originalverbivore, you’re totally right about expanding. Her life isn’t necessarily “good” right now, and I will need to find a way to add that description of her current life without giving too much of the plot away. I definitely want people to sympathize with her. She’s been through a lot, and she has a long way to go before she’s healed. A huge part of this book is Delilah (Keenan, too!) healing from their shared past and learning to move on. I’m just not sure how to translate that into a blurb without giving away too much.

@DomiSotto, I see that now. There isn’t much about Delilah, except that she is broken-hearted, but I’ve really given Keenan some features. I’ll have to give her some airtime, too, as it were.

@oliviarose85 I love the setup of that example! I’ll definitely have to work on coming up with something similar that fits with the plot.

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Thank you!

Just give us more of a sense of who she is as an individual and make us feel her a little more, if that makes sense.

How’s this, guys?

Delilah Redding thought her life was right on track. She had everything she’d ever wanted - a great guy, her music, and the very beginnings of a family. She was certain that everything would work out exactly the way it was supposed to.

It’s been two years since everything came crashing down around her, and she’s still scrambling to put it all back together. She’s content with her new, monotonous routine of school, sleep, and the occasional Friday night out with friends, but she’ll soon learn that there’s a lot more to life than what she’s settling for.

When a close friend asks a favor, Delilah will have to face the former love of her life again. He’s still just as cocky, just as infuriating, and even more attractive than ever. Their shared past is just as painful as ever, and Delilah is determined to protect her heart this time around. But she’ll have to work side-by-side with him to survive the world of bright lights and late night rehearsals that she’s been thrown into.

All while trying to heal from the grief she’s never truly faced.

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Much better. I feel more connected to her with this.

So, apart from a mention of music, what else do we learn about Delilah here? Did she write music? Sing? Was a stan of a K-Pop group? Was she pregnant, and that’s what the ‘beginning of the family’ alludes to? It feels just a bit too obscure to pull me into Delialah’s world still & bond with her.

I kind of enjoy the mystery/unknown of exactly what she’s doing in the “world of bright lights and late night rehearsals.” It’s alluding to a life where she’s been thrown into the spotlight without giving away the entire plot. But maybe that’s just me. :slight_smile:

It’s pretty good. The only thing that I feel like it has a harder time with is being on the longer side when it doesn’t necessarily need to. I would ask myself what each line does to help build the conflict. Think you might also be able to critique my new blurb for a caregiver’s Last lesson?

I must disagree on the expansion about the break up.

The past of the character isn’t what made your story’s beginning - and that’s what you should start with. I think your original version of the blurb was far better than the second.

I advise you to be even sharper - more focused and sparse with the information you give. Let the readers discover your character’s past and habits as they read. Lure them into your story with whatever it was that lured your character in it.

Blurbs should be written in the Present Tense. :slight_smile:

I don’t know why I’m struggling so much to describe her! It’s so frustrating. I’m not sure that either version of the blurb flows well at all, to be honest. I haven’t yet figured out how to translate the main plot of the book into a blurb without completely giving it away. They’re grieving. They’re struggling to forgive and move on. They don’t want to move on. They have to learn how to heal and how to love each other again. I didn’t want to state outright what they went through, as it is such a critical part of the plot and is not known for several chapters.

As for Delilah herself, she’s very wounded. She’s dealing with depression. She’s pretty much quit living her life, only going to classes and coming home. She doesn’t like to think about her past - she just wants to forget. She hasn’t coped well at all, and her grief has thrown her into a deep depression that she can barely function through.

There was a time when she was a fun-loving violinist, but after the accident - that’s what we’ll call it for the sake of not giving away spoilers - her entire outlook on life changed. She’s still in university, but she’s certainly not as passionate about it as she once was. I don’t think even Delilah really knows who she is anymore, and I haven’t figured out how to translate that into a short blurb.

What are they grieving for gods sake? A miscarriage? Abortion? If that’s the selling point, imo you should not obfuscate it, but put it front and centre.

In a blurb, in my view, your goal is not so much to write a summary of your work, but to sell your wares.

If the core of your story is the couple that struggles to overcome the loss of a child or an abortion, with a woman treating it differently than the man, then, in my view you should say that instead of making it sound like a teen fiction with a bad boy and a sad nerdy girl who needs to be saved by his loving.

Also, as someone who delighted in studying, I am always surprised how going to classes is not living your life, lol. For me, partying and doing drugs, and living half-drunk without goals and desires in a back alley is not living one’s life.

Neither version is good, honestly. I struggle so much with writing blurbs. Unfortunately, the past of the character is a huge part of the plot, and I’m not sure a blurb would even be accurate without at least some mention of the past, even if it’s just a mention of how much she’s changed.

I don’t know that I’d say she was lured in. More like forced into it by a close friend, who does mean well; her plans just aren’t the most well thought out.

They did lose a child, shortly after her birth.

A huge, huge part of it is them learning how to heal. Both of them have kind of forced their grief onto the back burner in an effort to ignore it, and meeting again has brought all of that pain front and center. I don’t show much of Keenan’s side of it - just what Delilah can see, but there are definitely aspects of how she doesn’t understand his way of coping vs her own way of coping. I really would hope it doesn’t come across as nerdy girl needing to be saved because that’s really not what I’m trying for with the book as a whole. Yes, they do end up exploring what they feel for each other, but I would think that’s more a byproduct of facing their past, rather than some way of trying to “save” each other.

I would agree with you about studying! When I say she’s not living her life anymore, I moreso mean that she’s not enjoying anything. The things she was once passionate about no longer mean as much, and she’s settled into a very monotonous routine that doesn’t help matters at all.

I think once you start with the death of her infant, your blurb will come together. It tells a completely different story and casts characters in a differnt light.

I don’t know if this is any better, but I hope it’s at least a start.

When Delilah Redding’s newborn daughter died, she fell into a depression that stole her life away. Gone were the carefree music and laughter that had once marked her days, replaced by sadness and anger. Two years later, she’s found a new sense of normalcy, but a favor for a friend will put her face to face with someone she thought she’d never see again.

Keenan hasn’t changed much. He’s still the same cocky and infuriating guitarist she fell in love with, just as dangerous to her heart as he’s always been.

He still has a habit of hiding his feelings behind a cold and distant mask.

She still uses anger to hide what she feels.

Delilah will have to learn to face her demons, let go of her anger, and possibly love again if she hopes to survive this new reality she’s been thrust into.