Hey everyone! I’m seriously new to wattpad. Could you please read my story and give me inputs on it?
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Here is my vampire version in my novel.
They are alive, have heartbeat and human intelligence. Able to reproduce. Have normal lifespan from baby to adult and stopped aging at 35-40 years old. Live until 300 years old. Drink any types of blood: best blood is human blood, animal blood for light meal/snack, artificial blood (with addition human food taste) as junk food. Converting other non-vampires to vampires by drinking vampire’s blood.
Strengths： Speed and fast reflex. (not superspeed, just more faster than human) , reading minds, hypnotize, telepathy, detect the presence of blood nearby
Weaknesses: Sunlight, garlic, silver
They have primary rule in their society: Don’t kill human victims
(Can’t tell the reason because it’s spoiler )
My vampires are very much…not what you typically find, hahaha
Vampirism is a disease. It’s transmitted through blood and is incurable. Untreated, the infected will develop symptoms like a nasty flu to start, their senses will heighten to a painful extreme, and after four or five days they’ll start to age rapidly and their organs will begin failing. The most effective treatment found is the regular ingestion of healthy, compatible human blood. With treatment, the extreme and deadly symptoms are replaced by light sensitivity, bouts of fatigue, very slightly heightened senses, food aversions, and a weakened immune system. Treatment also slows a vampire’s aging, and on average a vampire will live about 150 years past infection before treatment slowly stops working. At this point their usual symptoms will get worse and worse until they die as they would have without treatment. Some choose to end their lives at what they feel is a more ‘natural’ time rather than live out the extra lifespan treatment gives them, most don’t. Many do choose to end their lives once treatment stops working rather than go through the incredibly painful death vampirism offers.
Vampires are ‘out’ to the world in my series and while they’re not massively common there are enough of them that society reflects it. There’s an entire market for clean, healthy blood, vampires have prescriptions to get their medically recommended dosage and to ensure they have a compatible blood type, and euthanasia for vampires for whom treatment is proven to be no longer working is legal and available. There’s no hunting, at least not in most of the world, and it’s rare for vampires to intentionally infect anybody. They don’t have any crazy abilities and are pretty much completely indistinguishable from regular humans, unless you count the fact that they tend to be a little paler and get sick more easily. There are even a range of options for them–my main vampire, Xam, gets most of his blood in specialty energy drinks, while his girlfriend through one part of the series, Stevie, prefers pure blood to mix into whatever she wants or drink straight.
With my vampires, I tend to take the stereotypical beliefs about them and then make the reasoning based in something a little more logical.
Like sunlight hurting because vampirism gives you heightened sense, so of course bright light hurts.
Or that traditionally vampires couldn’t see their reflections in mirrors. But that’s because historically a lot of mirrors were made with silver (a stereotypical purifying material), and so in most of today’s mirrors they’d show up. (can you imagine a vampire seeing their reflection for the first time in centuries??)
But what about still water, or glass? You can see your reflection there too
I get what you mean. But I dunno about you, but i always find my reflection in water or windows i pass by to be to distorted to get an accurate look. Mostly a joke, haha. Like if they redecorated their house, nice new mirrors with no silver backing, and suddenly they catch their reflection in what used to be a funtionally useless piece. I think it’d be startling like 'who’s there!"
I’m still developing ideas for my vamps, so I’d appreciate any feedback on the vague ideas I have now:
I want a range of vampires. Nothing in this world is binary. But how that range works is something I don’t know yet.
I have “The Ancients” who are more like your Dracula-style vampires. They can deal with sun (Dracula could). They can shape-shift and control some animals, which is true to Dracula and fits really well with my world. Coffins will probably be a thing, but the whole consecrated ground stuff that was in the Stoker’s Dracula book will be out because I couldn’t follow his logic there.
I want something like feral vampires, which would be a little like zombies, but without the rot and with a more functional mind… they’d act a bit like vampires with lead poisoning or something. They’d be a lot more limited in their abilities, but a lot more prevalent.
And then I’m working on developing something that… for the time being… I’m calling “stone witches” (name subject to change). They act a lot more like the feral vampires, but they’ve worked hard to accumulate the powers of the ancients and are a lot more disastrous than either.
But I might just throw out all those ideas. I appreciate the under-appreciated aspects of Stoker’s Dracula (shape-shifting, animal control, etc), but after that, I feel like ideas become increasingly cartoonish.
My story is set probably around the early 1900s, on Earth. The majority of the population is not aware that vampires exist, but there are some who know, and a few are vampire hunters (those don’t really play a role in my story very much).
- Vamps are their own race/species and can breed (not with humans), but they have low fertility. This is to account for their elongated lifespans. The y chromosome is significantly smaller than their x one, so the ratio of males to females is about 3-to-1, which also affects reproduction.
-They physically mature at a slower rate than humans. Their newborn stage lasts about a year, infancy lasts from 2-5, childhood from 6-14, adolescence from 15-20, teenage from 20-35, young adult from 36-50, adult from there on out. They mentally mature only slightly delayed behind humans and have the mental capacity of a human young adult towards their late twenties (ie, they’ll think like young adults, but look like teenagers).
- Humans can be turned into vampires, but the process takes a week to complete. It consists of a vampire feeding a human their blood every 6 hours for seven days. This is how long it takes the body to change and adapt, but the process is extremely taxing on the body and only about 70% of humans survive. Because it is time-consuming and dangerous, Vamps don’t turn humans on a whim. The main reason to turning someone would be to try and save them from a fatal injury if you are close, or if they are romantically involved, so they can breed and potentially live long lives together.
- They are very lean since they are predators that stalk and ambush, not physically overpower. They are either tall or short, not really an in-between (Just something I find interesting and threw in of my own accord, no reasoning behind it).
- Heightened sense of smell, hearing, and sight
- Do not suffer from illness, but are subject to venom and poison.
- Vamps have a fast-acting regeneration ability, which prevents wounds from being fatal. The only wound they can receive (without silver being involved) and die from is when vital organs (ie, head, heart, lungs, stomach, etc) are completely severed/removed from the body because they can not reattach, nor will they regrow.
---- Silver affects this. Although silver is not directly harmful (so they can interact with it through silverware or jewelry), it halts their regeneration wherever they come in contact with it (including a small area of effect of a couple centimeters). So with a silver weapon, they are as physically vulnerable as a human is.
- They are hypersensitive to sunlight and sunburn easily.
- As mentioned before about their builds, they also move much more fluidly (like that of a cat) than a human does.
- Because of their increased senses, their memories are more in-depth as well.
- Allergic to garlic
- Transform into a bat or other creature
- Teleport or fly
- Digest Human food
- Vampires require about 8 fl oz a day of human blood to meet nutritional requirements. Substitutes can be made from other large mammals like livestock, but a larger amount is required (about 12 fl oz) and it is not as satisfying or tasteful.
- As mentioned earlier, Vampires do not digest human food properly. The process is painful and so most vamps regurgitate any food they may eat (in order to stay inconspicuous) a couple hours later.
I love the in depth turning and aging process!
I had actually accidentally posted it before I was finished including everything, so feel free to look back over my post xD
I love it all lol
This is my first vampire story, so I really want to try and have everything fleshed out.
I’ll add mine. It’s still very WIP and there’s likely to be changes, but we’ll see.
Making a vamp:
- Vampires are turned in the “classic” way of being murdered and then given some of their sire’s blood. They are typically dead for about three, four weeks, so in modern society what vamps typically do is to just kill their target and wait until they are buried - then dig them out once they wake up (too bad if they get cremated). Ensures that nobody is looking for them or anything (it’s also how the protagonist here got away; she woke up early and immediately fled)
- When close to their progeny sires have basically absolute power over them. This being the “central” relationship in any vampire’s “unlife” it’s overall a pretty messed up existence where nearly everyone is when it comes right down to it enslaved by someone else (although most vamps don’t look at it that way)
- sunlight kills them with the sole exception of right after they are turned; for the first few weeks they are more like an animated corps and then slowly fully turn into a vampire with all their weaknesses and strengths. As they grow older, the process somewhat reverses and they build some immunity to sunlight, but it takes centuries and not even the oldest would ever dare a sunbath or anything
- they die every day while the sun is up. They can be woken up but it’s very rare for them to wake before the sun is down.
- they don’t have any other specific weaknesses (like silver or garlic or whatever). They can be killed if you do enough damage to them, but there’s no specific “stake through the heart” or anything. Set them on fire or chop them into pieces or throw them into sunlight or whatever. Also depends on the vampire in question of course
- All of them have some level of enhanced physical capabilities, regenerate wounds faster, have better senses and so on. It takes centuries for them to really reach peak level though, and it depends on the individual on how much this develops. Still, even a young vampire is practically invincible when it comes to fighting a human one on one without any weapons.
- They also all have some sort of special ability; passive or active. Those are passed on in a bloodline, but like with human relatives it’s not a guaranteed progress and sometimes changes a bit and so on. So for example the heroine has the rare and odd ability to make the people around her luckier. It’s regarded as a vaguely useless ability as you can’t rely on it, but those close to her like it since - well, they are now luckier But most would agree that it doesn’t really compare to some who can teleport or mentally manipulate everyone around them and whatnot
- All vamps are supernaturally attractive. I have thought a lot about this, but ultimately decided that it’s part of their predatory package. It’s not necessarily conventional beauty, just an odd allure they all develop to appeal those they hunt
- Vampires have to drink blood to “live”. Animal blood will do in terms of survival, but it doesn’t still their Hunger (some would call it thirst I suppose ). They can push it down for a while, depending on mental discipline, but sooner or later they’ll be overcome and have to give in and feed on a human; otherwise they basically go insane (and that never ends well for anyone)
- Drinking blood is stereotypically addictive through sheer pleasure to the vampire, but even more so to their human victim (whom they usually kill*)
- They can bind people to themselves by giving them some blood, so thralls are a thing
- In a lot of way a human turned vampire is still the same human with the same quirks and desires and hobbies and so on as they were as a human. Except they constantly grapple with the hunger for blood, and to a lesser extent to violence
- As a part of their predatory nature regarding humans they also weirdly enough like any and all positive attention (which they like to use to lure in people, but it also means you can reasonably easily manipulate them by being flattering); this is somewhat contradictory to their need to stay out of the public eye
- Their blood slowly turns black, so they have this black-veined appearance if they are old enough. This is one way to tell the very old from the newer ones apart
- They all have one body part that’s odd / in the wrong place / duplicated (like six fingers or an additional navel or having a horn or whatever). It’s a collective curse on vampires that’s passed on when they turn new ones; very old and powerful ones were able to resist it, but for all the others it’s a dead giveaway even if they manage to hide their black blood (which they can, if they feed enough)
*a big feature of the setting is something called the Veil, a sort of barrier-like entity between the rational world and all things supernatural. It’s “maintained” (in a sense) by the collective ignorance of humanity. Every human knowing that supernatural creatures exist weakens it, and nobody (well, except for the bad guys, surprise surprise) want it gone. That’s why usually a vampire maintains a few human thralls to feed from. But if they can’t or don’t know they can “everyone” (the victim probably doesn’t if anyone asked them ^^) agrees that it’s better to kill the victim than to risk weakening the Veil if they are exposed. There’s horrors out there beyond it that’d make a few murders look like a nice Sunday pick-nick activity
The vampires in the Fantasy world I am setting up haven’t had any appearances in anything I have posted yet, but I have some set back for a rainy day (or whenever i get around to them)
The Vampires were born from a curse placed on their Progenitor a woman named Claudia Fae who was the servant of a Majarin(a being that is the embodiment of a force whether it be nature , an emotion or a few other things ) she killed another servant and with the curse came the blood lust and the weakness.
The curse of the vampire acts sort of like a disease that rots the mind and the soul of the one cursed with it. The blood lust drives the vampire to consume the blood of a living host usually ending in the death of whatever happens to be unlucky enough to get bit. Some vampires with powerful wills can control the blood lust to an extent and therefore keep a mostly human form but the more a person is lost to their blood lust the more monstrous they become. Going from the standard Dracula type vampires with elegance grace and an inbuilt nack for magical abilities to a mindless blood thirst bat-like creature that only has the goal of getting its next meal.
In Salt and Bone vampires are thought to be extinct.
It’s not a popular opinion but I actually do like the Twilight vampires. And before anyone responds with, “But those aren’t real vampires,” try to remember that VAMPIRES aren’t real vampires. Vampires don’t exist. They are mythological beings created by people who didn’t know how the world and how nature worked.
People whinge, “But traditional vampires don’t do, blah, blah, blah.”
Bram Stoker’s vampire is not traditional and he wasn’t the first author to write about them. Varney the Vampire and Carmilla respectively predates Dracula, as do thousands of years worth of folk lore. Even the word vampire has only been around since the 1700’s, so when you try to come at Twilight with that kind of logic I will tear it to shreds every time.
People forget that Anne Rice did something new with vampires as did Chelsea Quinn Yarbro (who predated the former by two years) and yet Stephanie Meyers does something different and that’s all anyone can focus on.
But okay here’s why: I like her vampires because they are unique and there is a natural precedent for their existence. Their cold blooded nature and the way they glisten in the sunlight is similar to reptiles in the wild that also shine in the sunlight and also have very difficult hides to pierce without specialized tools or weapons. Also most reptiles have a venomous bite to slow down prey.
I like the idea of the vampires each having a unique ability. This idea was also present in a little known series called Vampire High, which is available for viewing on Youtube. You should check it out.
I guess that’s all I want in a vampire story. Something unique that I haven’t seen before. Look at all the different types of vampire in Vampire The Masquerade. If you can’t make your vampire original then at least make the story worth reading and subvert a few common tropes while you’re at it.
I’d say the vampires in Twilight aren’t really the issue - I think it’s just the presentation of them and the overall cheesy aspects to Twilight that sort of ruin the creative aspects (Such as Edward being ashamed that he sparkled. “This is the skin of a killer, Bella.” ) I think if she had presented it differently it would have been received well. Like if one day they were out and the sun hit him and his skin glittered, almost more like he was a creature of ice (since that’s the theory behind it, anyway) then that would have been more interesting.
Therefore, since her execution was poor (in terms of selling their unique traits as something to respected/feared) it made people question her vampire as a whole. And those who are fans of vampires were disappointed because these vampires didn’t have that same feel that they tend to in lore, which tend to inspire fear, tempt their victims, are the dead reanimated, etc.