WHAT DO YOU SAY???

Hi!

So I’m usually really good at listening and giving advice to people/ helping them out when their upset… BUT, there is one thing that always gets me, and I don’t know what to say…

And that’s when someone tells me that they’re fat.

I’m a problem solver, if you’re having guy problems, i’m your gal, you think you did something stupid? I’m all yours! but if you’re telling me you think you’re fat???

It’s different when you aren’t actually fat, which 98.9% of the time is the case, but when you and I both know you are, where do we go from there? I feel like anything that would come out of my mouth sounds condescending and stupid, and not saying anything at all is worse.

/\ /\ /\ Especially because as much as I have problems with my body, I have to admit I am quite slim, so whatever I say automatically isn’t helpful (It’s like when someone who got 89% on a test says that yours, a 56%, is fine)
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So I really hope I’m not offending people with this, I really just need some advice on what to say in this situation : )

Lots of Love xxx

well if they fat they fat simple. if they not fat they not fat. if u shinnky i don’t think it would be hard for u to know there’s
Skinny
Thick up
Chubby
Fat

that’s it. if they r one of those then they r if they think they fat just say ‘if u think so then u r’ who am i to judge?

it’s more like:

skinny
thinks their not good enough
thinks their not good enough
thinks their not good enough
thinks their not good enough

I just hate that I cant ever make people happy in the topic of weight

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I just don’t say anything, but you could always just go with “you’re beautiful” or something generic like that. Really “no you’re not” just stigmatizes being overweight.

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All the fat people I know, don’t mind being called fat.

I think it’s people who are insecure about their weight that are worried—people who aren’t interested in changing and like themselves who they own it.

I’ve had plenty of thin friends who would call themselves fat or say that they “feel” fat. Like I knew this one girl in eighth grade who looked extremely thin and when we were in gym, she couldn’t run or do the major exercises because it was a pain and difficult to do. She would always complain and say, “I feel fat… like I can’t do it because I’m like a fat person.”

My response was always the same: “But you’re not fat!” And honestly, now that I’m older, I really wish I would’ve added, “You’re just not athletic and that is okay!”

There’s a lot of thin people who suck at gym stuff. That doesn’t mean they’re fat. It just means that they don’t work out because they don’t like working out. There’s no shame in hating exercise!

Now, it’s a different thing when someone thin says, “Ugh… I’m so fat…” because what they’re doing is tearing themselves down when really, they aren’t fat at all. But this kind of mindset can come from anywhere.

For one, they may say this because they want attention. I’ve known girls who would constantly say things like this just to get people to feel bad for them and compliment them. “You’re not fat, you’re so thin!”

But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, it comes from a very genuine insecurity. Even if you’re not fat, you can still consider yourself as fat if you compare yourself to others. This can be really damaging because you’re not only insecure, but you can get into an eating disorder and even depression with this thinking. My little sister, for example, is a little chubby—partially because she has a lot of baby fat on her (as her body is still developing into a teenager) and partially because she doesn’t really exercise much and eats some bad foods once in a while. She doesn’t even eat that much, honestly. But she compares herself to her classmates who are stick-thin where you can see their ribs and she feels as though she isn’t thin enough… In this circumstance, the best thing to say is to give them encouraging words and tell them that they aren’t fat and that they don’t need to be like those people.

Another problem with this mindset is that it can come from home. I once had a very thin friend (she was actually a little underweight) and it honestly sounded like she came from an abusive family the way how she had described it. Her family constantly told her that she was fat and that she needed to lose weight, even though she was at a very healthy weight for her age and height. So there were a lot of times when she thought of herself as fat just because the people around her told her that she was. This comes from the idea of: “Tell me I’m beautiful, I won’t believe it. Tell me I’m ugly, I’ll never forget it.” Our brains suck, so a lot of the positive things slip from our heads and all we end up keeping is the negative, toxic thoughts that we’re told and tell ourselves. So if this person thinks they’re fat because people tell them that they’re fat, you need to give them encouraging words and make it clear that they shouldn’t listen to those horrible, toxic people. And if they know of them personally (as if they’re friends or family), then they need to stay away from them.

You can also show her this:

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I actually did that once, ended up ranting that school stuff is pointless and what matters is what you gonna do in real-life, rather than papers and marksheets. They asked me why did I study then, and I told them it was to avoid getting scolded lol

With body weight there are two ways to go, one is that you get comfortable in your own skin and don’t bother yourself about what others think. Two is that you decide to get fit, not for others but for yourself. The second requires lot of willpower, hence one must have their own personal reasons for losing weight, if they wish to succeed. Like I really like playing sports and need some fitness for that, and I want to improve my strength so that I can carry my school bag without feeling it weighs a ton (when in fact its the lightest among my friends, lol), so yeah.

Either way, one must feel at peace with their body, because its the only thing that’s going to be with them throughout their life. Whether one changes their body, or changes their mindset, that is their own call. Both have their own challenges, and its a tough journey alright

Ask them to do a BMI test. Fat isn’t a bad thing, obese is.

If someone’s fat, i.e. just has a bit of extra mass on their body but can still run around without much issues, it’s healthy and the person should try maintaining it.

On the other hand, if someone’s obese, i.e. has a bulging stomach, looks round-shaped, has difficulties moving and doing stuff, and has heart problems, they should try getting rid of it. Fat is healthy, obesity is dangerous.

Same on the other side, of course. Some people can be super skinny and it’s actually bad because it’s dangerous for their health.

hahahaaha it’s ok where we come from the order i gave it what we go according to in my country people prefer being thick up and chubby hahaha while over there people prefer skinny. people have different opinions maybe a bit of research would help

u can just brush it off …saying
“but you are cute/chubby,”

BMI is not the best tool to asses the health of a person. It doesn’t take into account lots of things, such as activity level, genetics, environment, etc.

Then pay some valuable cash and take a real life test, consult a nutritionist.

Sure that works too lol