What was the last few paragraphs you wrote?


#87

I’ve been working on a sci-fi story and there’s still a lot of world building to be done. However, I’m kind of stuck with a fight scene. I’ve never written action so, I’m not so sure I hit the mark here. What are your thoughts? Please, be brutally honest.

Something burst out from beside him, crumpling the grass there. Fear filled his chest and his eyes rounded. He only had enough wit to spin to the side when a pale ball shot towards him. It spun with his movement, attracted like a magnet, and slammed into him. Thanos rolled, hoping to dislodge the parasite. It stuck like glue, tumbling with him until it pinned him to the dusty ground with a weight he hadn’t expected. Dust unsettled, lifting into a haze that blinded his view. The force sent pain blazing through his chest, stinging particles surging down his throat as he gasped. His blade swiped up, aiming for the obstruction. Hopefully, he would strike something vital. Finger-like objects whacked the inside of his elbow. It bent with an agonizing snap and those same objects gripped his wrist, twisting it. He swallowed down his scream, trying to buck the enemy off his hips.

“Quit being noisy!” The frustration that had been eating him up dissipated, leaving confusion in its stead.

“Emiel.”

The enemy leaned closer, face parting the film of dust to make itself known. He melted into the ground, sighing in relief. He would know this face anywhere.

“I told you to stay behind.”

“I chose to tag along.”

“You could get hurt. Leave.”

“You’re one to talk.” She whispered, bending his wrist further. His back arched, a muffled curse escaping him. Emiel was cruel when she wanted to have her way. Still, he couldn’t risk her life. Not when there was the possibility of his partner being put in danger.

“No one else passed the barrier. I didn’t think you would disobey me.”

“I listen to no one. Remember that.”

“Stay back. You’re-”

She rammed her fist into the ground so hard that it broke the soil, sinking in. Cracks slithered out from the hole, spreading out around them. Even the ground beneath him sunk in, more dust swimming into the air. Thanos gulped, glancing at the thin arm beside his head. Sweat broke out on his forehead. She wouldn’t hurt him but her anger wasn’t to be tampered with.

“A queen runs from no one.” She growled, then, shook her hand till it detached from the grove it had created. She wiped her unblemished knuckles on her gown and stood, offering her hand. The petite woman yanked him up before stepping out into the clearing.

“Emiel, wait!”

“Hush, I sense the foul creature.”

She reached behind her, tugging on her belt or so Thanos thought. Little brown sparkles floated behind her in random places, coalescing to form the outline of her dimagnum slasher. She gripped the handle and swung it over her shoulder. Her left knee crooked, right leg sweeping out in an arc as she struck the end against the ground. Sparks emitted from the gigantic double-edged sword, reflecting the rays of the sun. The dimagnum slasher she fondly called her pet was at least a head taller than her with twin blades as wide as her torso. Sinews rippled over her upper arms when she dug the end further into the ground. She pressed a button along the bottom blade, jerking it sideways to direct the current that crackled along its length. The blue light ran down the blade and into the ground, shooting forward. Thanos stiffened at the agonised roar released in front of them. The sky twitched, lines forming along its surface and dissolving to reveal the hulking form of a recruiter. It had disguised itself. He held onto his weapon, moving beside his wife.

“Sly beast.” He whispered and she hummed, twisting the slasher again with a grunt. Another volt blessed the soil and as expected, a louder bellow filled the air. The first recruiter whined, swaying on its forelimbs. Its sibling appeared, staggering on its haunches towards them. It was farther away than the first one. Thanos stepped forward but Emeil stopped him with her arm.

“Take the scared one. That one owes me a tooth.” She flashed a manic grin, showcasing her missing upper canine. He opened his mouth to protest but she pulled her slasher out and slinging it onto one bony shoulder, sprinted straight at it. He had married a mad woman. The roar of his given target attracted his focus and he fingered his didosilica slasher, eying it.


#88

I’m not so good with this kind of writing so, I can’t give good advice. I will say i’m in love with the imagery and your play with metaphors. The descriptions you give paint a very vivid picture in my mind. I love that. Although, I think one or two rhymes would tie everything together.


#89

TECHNICALLY not the last thing I wrote, but it counts if you don’t include dialogue:

Time seemed to halt as Jessica released her grip and tossed the documents into the fire, disposing of them like they were worthless trash. The flames erupted as they climbed over the papers, their magnificent orange, red, and yellow hues crumbling and dissolving the parchment into ash. A ghostlike scream seemed to rise from their charred remains, but perhaps it was only Nate’s defeated cry as he mourned the loss of his anchor to humanity. For others, the destruction of one song may have been an inconvenience at worst, but to Nate, the blow was so devastating that it felt like a part of his soul died along with it.

Perhaps he had no soul left at all. Maybe he had exchanged it the second he signed the contract to join the Masked Records, stripping him of his conscience and empathy for others. It would be one of many things that Jessica had stolen from him since that ill-fated day.

“I did this for you. Don’t you see that?” Jessica’s gentle voice whispered in his ear as he sank to the ground. Burying his head in his knees, he traced the pattern of the wooden floorboards, unable to gaze into the eyes of the monster that had wrecked him beyond saving. Darkness cast a shadow over his heart, plunging him back into submission - submission, that, over time, had warped into just another word for denial. At least his mistress had been generous enough to let him feel anything at all.

“You’re right,” he murmured at last, lifting his head and brushing away the tears that had gathered under his eyes. “I love you.”

Now THIS is the last thing I actually wrote:

“Yeah, Nate, you listening to this, you sick fuck? You’re a psychopath. I hope this city strands you on the side of the road and Andy personally runs you over, because my god, do you have issues, man - issues I don’t even think a ward could straighten out. Don’t even get me started on your little fantasy world of ‘Ohhhh, everyone’s out to get me’; yeah, of goddamn course we are, because one of these days you’re going to end up hurting someone and the court is not going to treat you nicely just because you’ve got the cash. You’re ruining everything, you pathetic involuntary celibate. You’re ruining me. He’s ruining me!”

Quite a…quite a contrast.


#90

I wish I could say I had some sort of genius to add to this thread, but all I really have is a set up section. First chapter of my first book in a while. Oh boy.

Vega waved his hand, and both Doriyan and Madelynn joined him by his chair. “We’re setting up a permanent station on the moon. I’m sorry that this wasn’t decided on before, but I have no choice. This mission could take years to complete, maybe decades. I won’t force you to stay. If you wish to go back to the Federation, I’ll send you back with a cruiser.”

Doriyan spoke up first. “No sir. I chose to come here expecting that I might not go home. I’m here to stay. Besides, you need your intel guy.” He smiled at Vega. The two had been friends for years, with Vega having advanced further in the military, entirely because Doriyan had no wish to become a commander. He claimed it was too much work.

Vega turned to Madelynn. “What about you?” He had met her during a mission on the inner ring a few years prior. He recognized her skills in combat and command, and offered her a position as one of his lieutenants.

“I shall be staying as well. You’ll need all the help you can get if this mission is to be completed.” She nodded at him, and then saluted.

Vega closed his eyes, and interlocked his fingers. “Thank you my friends.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Until further notice, we are on recon duty. We’ll obtain all the information we can about that storm. We will save the people of Aurus, and return to the Federation victorious.”

Like I said, it’s no genius, but It’s alright in my opinion


#91

I like it! I’m a big sucker for dialogue and description of dialogue. So I was able to see the painted picture. I’m assuming a sci-fi?

I am currently on a writers block and this is what I have so far Jaja.


Elliot, Ignatius, and Rune stared in silence. Tonatiuh jumped on Elliot’s shoulder wrapping its tail around his neck before falling asleep. Elliot petted his spirit beast feeling the cat purr. The young injun paused.

He turned his gaze towards his abdomen where Zephyr’s magical orb now rested. He could feel a tingly sensation flow up his veins and throughout his body. To Elliot it was the same as receiving a pat on the back or a hug from a loved one.

When Elliot stopped petting Tonatiuh the sensation subsided. It was then that he knew there was a deeper connection between the two. Elliot had his suspicion. He wanted to make sure. He rubbed Tonatiuh’s head and it’s purr turned to a soft growl. Again, a sensation erupted in him. Elliot smiled, scratched Tonatiuh’s chin and returned his attention to his friends.

“I won’t lie,” Ignatius started. He had a childish look on him that screamed excitement. “That was cool.”

Elliot and Rune chuckled.


#92

Even if I remember the way Tanimae sent braches and vines through him like spears, and let his body drop from the trees like a broken ragdoll. I let the scene play out in my mind a few times, though every time I see it my heart shatters all over again.

I have to keep watching it over, keep remembering it, keep seeing it and seeing it and seeing it.

Forgetting wouldn’t be fair on him. He died for what I did, years ago, and he’d still be alive if I hadn’t made that mistake. Persis calls it ‘wallowing’. Tells me it’s not healthy. She says it like she says everything- so casually that it’s impossible to tell if she means it or not.

Years ago, I only wanted to stop Tanimae.

Today, I want her dead.

I check my phone, and find a message from Persis. Or Theta. They’ve managed to find an address, and when I look it up I find it’s somewhere on the outskirts of the town where the buildings are mostly farmhouses and barns. The house I’m looking at stands alone, perfectly defendable and impossible to get near without being seen.

Of course.


#93

I like it that the spirit beast purrs :slight_smile:


from War Mage Sixteen

Xi ran his eyes over the last row of characters in Rustam’s letter, advising him to not rush into taking Imperial Oath to Emperor Tingkung. A mage of free will could prove an asset, Rustam wrote. He let the scroll’s edge to curl back up, and shifted his attention back to the apprentice.

“How did Emperor Hsuanji died?” If only his voice could be as firm as his former Master’s hand.

“Ah… the official version is that a crimson dragon, each scale glittering with rubies, each feather etched in scarlet, carried the Emperor away to Heavens to plead for the return of the dragons.” The apprentice stared thoughtfully into the bottom of his cup, avoiding looking at Xi’s. He was the best soothsayer in Rustam’s Coven, so Xi trickled his understanding to mess up the leaves. The secrets must remain secret, particularly the ones he only half-gleaned himself.


#94

I love all the details here, both in the dialogue and the actual narrative. If only his voice could be as firm as his former Master’s hand says so much without needing to use a lot of words. A perfect example of show.

Regardless of whether Emperor Hsuanji actually did go to the Heavens like that, that’s a badass way to go tbh. I want people to tell stories about me like that.

I will say I’m not sure I understand this line: so Xi trickled his understanding to mess up the leaves is this a typo or…?

I dunno if anyone on Wattpad knows what this is from but.

Note: the “did she just” is in reference to Yoru calling her by her first name because for the rest of the book she’s been referred to as only 'Miss Beaulieu’

“Relax, Miss Beaulieu. Nothing happened that was not positively asserted.”

She ignored Yoru, scanning her arms for any misplaced scratches or bruising. She was still as pale as she remembered.

“Evelyn.”

She stilled, heart hammering. Did she just…?

“Look at me.” Yoru didn’t continue until she raised her head. With a frown, she cupped Evelyn’s cheek and said, “Nothing happened.”

Though the Lady’s words brought some relief, they brought confusion as well. Evelyn looked around the room with clenched fists, taking in the grey walls and the blue silk over her head. This wasn’t her room, she realized. She was still in the manor.

“Then why am I here?”

Yoru didn’t move. Evelyn’s mind focused on how cool she felt, like she had put her hand against a frosted window moments before.


#95

Aww, thank you! No, just ‘in setting’ thing. My human (hsin) mages call their magic ‘understanding’ so Xi uses magic to shuffle the tea leaves on the bottom of his cup to prevent a reading. He is particulary strong with sonic based magic, so he often comes accross as a telekinetic user.