while we’re young // critiques // cfc

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#21
  • author: -oceanwriter-
  • title: The Secret of the Waves
  • subtitle: a gift | a secret | a power |
  • summary Popular, pretty, and smart, Pearl’s life has been a breeze. That is, until she took a shower and found a mermaid tail…
  • which chapter(s) the first
  • what you want me to focus on does it make you want to keep reading and does it flow well. Basically can you visualize what’s going on well and are you interested in it?
    Also I want to know whether I should add more to my summary or whether it is enticing as it is.
  • anything else: Nothing. Thank you!

#22

done!


#23

Hi! Your request is accepted. I’ll start your request after you complete the payment. Thanks for requesting from me :heart:


#24

Hi! Your request is accepted. Please complete the payment and let me know when it’s done. Thanks for requesting from me :heart:


#25

Payment is completed my comment should be on your story


#26

I finished the payment!


#27

Hi! So I actually have my story on wattpad, but the more edited version is on docs. I’m okay with doing the payment on wattpad, but do you mind doing my review on docs? It’s public, so you only need the link to access :slight_smile:


#28
  • author: SlightlyBlack (S.Saga)

  • title: Challenge Accepted

  • subtitle: Some games ae not meant to be won

  • summary Love is a game. Attraction is the law of the game that can’t be ignored. Life is the gamemaster that decides the ending of the game. What the players sometimes don’t get, is that it is not the other players they have to win against. Sometimes it’s better to team up against life.

  • which chapter(s) 1-3

  • what you want me to focus on: flow, what makes you jump some text or what seems irrelevant, grammar

  • anything else: I’d also like your thoughts on the blurb and cover (do they match the story?). Also, please let me know how you feel about the MC (can you connect with her, is she interesting?). The beginning is a bit cliche so I hope this doesn’t put you off (there are plot twists later that make it more original :slight_smile:)


#29

That’s fine!


#30

I’m sorry but your request has been denied! Good luck with your story :smile:


#31

Attention: for everyone who’s still waiting more deliveries will be made on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.


#32

Author: @Donttalk679

Title: Make Your Move

Subtitle: Love doesn’t come with intructions

Summary: Zandria Racheal wants to be just like every other teenager, but sadly she isn’t. She is top of her class and still somehow manages to stay popular. Maybe it’s because of her currently trending YouTube channel with two million subscribers.

Everybody knows this side of Zandria: the bubbly, entertaining teenager.

But, the darkness is unknown.

Day after day Zandria and her brother Keith are abused by their unforgiving mother. With a Father constantly away on business, Zandria has made it her duty to look after her little brother who is also dealing with anxiety. She wishes that one day someone will ask, “how are you?” and her reply will not be a lie.

Then, there is Dennis Ridge, the nerd. Dennis enjoys lunch by himself in a corner and finds pleasure in writing under a tree in the schoolyard. No one really talks to him and for years he has been trying to figure out why. His parents aren’t the worst and actually, care about their child. Little do they know that Dennis is finding life hard to deal with. He hopes one day he can find the definition of happy.

It has been written in Wattpad cliché-ness that these paths will cross. But, I promise you their journey together will not be cliché.

Join Zandria and Dennis through the ups and downs of a complicated teenage life.

which chapters: the first 3

what you want me to focus on: the plot and if there even is one

anything else: I’m just really insecure about the plot and if there is too much going on.


#33
  • author: Oneofakindprincess
  • title: Believe, Faith, love…right?
  • subtitle:
  • summary:- Raychel has just received news that she is in remission from cancer and is on her way to university life. This is her first time being out on her own after being in hospital for so much of her life. The story follows Raychel and her struggles on life in the outside world. From keeping on top of medications, to uni life, her first exams, her first date and heartbreak. This time she’s determined to make sure she never goes back to hospital and shes determined to do it all on her own.
  • which chapter(s): all (if not, 1-5) please.
  • what you want me to focus on: more the story line, the flow and whats missing. If it makes sense or if things needed to be changed or added.
  • anything else: please feel free to express what you like the best about each character and chapter.

#34

Your request is accepted, but I’ll warn you that there is a bit of a wait. If that’s okay with you, please complete the payment of a comment on chapter one of Searching For Christian. Thank you.


#35

I wouldn’t be able to do 4 & 5 because as the first post states I’m only accepting up to 3 chapters.


#36
  • author: FrankieThread
  • title: San Moirae: City of Fate
  • subtitle:
  • summary
    Luck is kinda a funny thing. Luck is the type of thing that makes you a jittery and excited inside when you find a penny facing up. It’s that feeling when something with a one-in-a-million chance of happening feels like it was destined to happen to you. But it wasn’t destiny, and it certainly It wasn’t fate. You just got lucky.

This story isn’t about luck. This story is about the City of Fate, where everything seems to happen for a reason. San Moirae is the city where 7 million other occupants won’t stop you from meeting your soul mate. It’s the city where missing that interview you spent hours and hours preparing for, sets you up for greater things in the future. It’s the city where small moments can change your life.

Follow the Glovers, the Spicers, Veronica, Ezra, and Greyson in their Slice-of-Life adventure in the city of San Moirae. Their fates are already written. All that’s left to do is watch their lives fall into place.

  • which chapter(s): Prologue Greyson&Ezra, Prologue Nina,Ren,Tate Glover
  • what you want me to focus on: Te fluidity and awkward phrasing
  • anything else: Merci! If you see awkward stuff can you just edit it as a comment on the paper? Thank you!

#37
  • author: @emliarad
  • title: The Truths That We Hide
  • subtitle: no
  • summary

❝It was like a game between the two of them until the other one stopped playing❞

They were enemies in high school. Pulling pranks, calling names and embarrassing each other in front of the school were in both of their’s daily schedules. That lasted almost three years until she disappeared mysteriously in the senior year without a word and he continued living a life the way it was before her.

Now, five years later both of them are busy with their lives. They haven’t seen or heard of each other since that day but the memories never disappeared. When they meet again after so long, neither of them was ready for the consequences.

  • which chapter(s) not sure if prologue counts as a chapter but if yes, then t and chapters 1-2. Otherwise 1-3.
  • what you want me to focus on if you could just tell me anything that comes to your mind while reading, thanks! The good (if there’s any) and bad things.
  • anything else: no
    ¨
    Payment is now done! Thanks if you do mine, I really appreciate it!

#38

Author: @TroubleMindFullSoul
Title: Beneath Us
Genre: Teen Fiction/Romance

Summary:

She is a broken girl trying to escape from her inner demons, he is a broken boy trying to escape his reality. Will they be able to heal each others wounds or make them worse?

Alexandra Martinez is sure her life will get better after she decides to go to Boston for a school exchange, leaving behind her lifestyle in Mexico for a year seems the best option to take a break from all of her problems. Suddenly, she ends up in the same place as some acquaintances from years ago, two boys and their sister that will make her year memorable.

A new friendship.

One attraction.

One love.

Promising herself a fresh start, she will need to overcome her fears, but wounds are still fresh and everyone knows how emotions can be nothing less than a time bomb. In the middle of her chaos she will have to learn to trust her heart and, with the help of someone, let go and live.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/169060607-beneath-us

Chapters: 1 to 3

What I want focused on: Maybe grammar since it’s not my first language but overall nothing in particular maybe if it keeps your interest.

Thank you so much for giving the opportunity to us writers to improve, I really appreciate it <3 I’ll do the payment right now.

Update: Payment is done!


#39

Thats totally fine :smiley: i may have missed that part :wink:


#40

I have made payment for chapter 1