5/10. Your paragraph has a run-on sentence and it’s just too simple. There is nothing really special in/to it that pulls me in to make me want to read more, and it just seems cliche that the protagonist’s best friend would betray him. Also, there are many mistakes that it’s just difficult for me to read and understand it, so I recommend revising, editing, and rereading your first paragraph and story.
June 1st, 2017, at 10 PM
Eastward’s Children Hospital: Floor 6/ICU, West Wing
“Dr. Reed! Dr. Reed! The patient has developed a serious stage of cancer!” A young nurse, Emma, exclaims while running and gasping for air.
“What type and stage is it at?” An expression of uneasiness was written all over Dr. Reed’s face, as he spun around to face Emma’s far, echoing voice.
Cancer was and always is the main cause of many diseases and deaths, rapidly forming, spreading, and developing the new Black Death of our advanced and modern world.
“The patient is in the second stage of Leukemia and rapidly heading into the third stage… There is a highly possible chance she may even head into the fourth stage of Leukemia. Then, possibly death…”
“Where is this patient right now?”
“She is in one of the isolation rooms in the east wing of–” Dr. Reed interrupted Emma’s sentence and swiftly strode past her. The patient’s nurse jogged to the front of Dr. Reed and led him to the east wing of the hospital: the contagious and diseased patients of the isolation rooms.