Would you read on? Share your first paragraph!

Hey romancers! :heartpulse:

I saw this thread idea in another genre and thought it would be fun to have one here! The rules go as follows:

  • Post the first paragraph or first few lines of your story.
  • Rate the paragraph above yours BEFORE posting your own with a “Yes, I would read on” or “No. I would not read on” and give the author some feedback on why or why not.
  • Be respectful and do not share a link to your own story

I’ll start us off!

From my book Dancing With Sin

I would argue that every person on Earth has a moment they can pinpoint in their lives as The Great Something.

The Great Something refers to some pivotal event in a person’s life that changed the course of their existence from that juncture on. The Something itself doesn’t have to be great. It often isn’t. The Something could be heartbreaking, devastating, astonishing, exciting; the list could go on and on. All that matters is that the Something is life-altering.

The Great Something has to be so memorable that you instinctively know from the second it happens, that who you are from that event on will be irrevocably redesigned, whether it be for better or worse.

Standing exactly as I was in our shared bedroom, I knew that this was about to be my Great Something.

6 Likes

Yes I would read on. I like the mini cliffhanger at the end.

Here is mine:

The boy dashed, his beat-up sneakers hitting the ground at record speed. Visions of parked pickup trucks, open dumpsters and stray dogs barking blurred as, out of the corner of his eye, he caught the figure of a middle-aged man with a balding head and a belly hanging over the waistband of his slacks chasing after him.

The security guard was yelling while trying to keep up. He hurled word after word, something about breaking and entering and about drugs, not exactly things Adam hadn’t heard before. He had to give the guard credit for trying to keep up, it wasn’t just the guard’s lack of fitness that was holding him back; Adam was younger, lithe and well versed in running away.

oooh! i love this idea.

i think it would rate the excerpt a 9/10.

i love that first sentence - it’s short and to the point but still impactful. i also like how you go on to explain how ‘the great something’ doesn’t have to be great, just something that you know is going to change your life, no matter how little. i like that last sentence too because it makes me wonder what ‘the great something’ is that your character is talking about. just reading those first few paragraphs, i have a feeling that this story is going to be very character-focused and that your character is probably going to develop even further from this experience. maybe not, but that’s the vibe i get. i’d probably read on.

here’s mine:

When I was eight, I witnessed a drowning.

We were at a seaside resort—a half-term treat, courtesy of my parents. The memory of it has always stuck with me, unsurprisingly, since you don’t really forget these sorts of things.

It’s weird, but I always imagined drowning to be a loud event, like you see in the movies—jets of water thrusting up nostrils, legs flailing, hands clawing, every part of you reaching out, hoping, asking, praying for something to hold on to.

It wasn’t quite like that, though. It was more silent, actually. No screaming. No cry for help. In fact, at eight years old, I didn’t even realise what happened until later on that night. All I remember is that one minute they were there, and the next, they just…weren’t.

sorry, it’s kind of long!

3 Likes

Thank you!

Thank you! Yes, it’s a very character driven story :slight_smile:

@Allison_Hei I’ll do yours since you guys both did mine lol

I would read on to see where it goes for sure. Though, the run-on sentence in the first paragraph does put me on edge a little bit already for further grammar mistakes. It’s an intriguing start though!

2 Likes

Next to rate is @espressoenthusiast for whoever posts next! :slight_smile:

That’s a hell of a first paragraph. Somehow it wasn’t what I was expecting, but each word drew me in more and more. I’m probably gonna go add it to my reading list now lol.

Mine:

“Alex.”

His voice was smooth and low, something crossed between a lover’s purr and the burgeoning anger that Alex knew was lying just beneath. If Alex didn’t watch his step - or more importantly - his words, then he knew he’d rouse that anger and the night would be ruined. But how was that new? He’d ruined so many nights in an all too similar fashion.

“Julian.”

Alex’s response was playful, toying, the use of his long-time partner’s full name as a part of this less than fun game. He was trying to lighten the mood, trying to tease, his lips curling up at just the very corners of his mouth as mischievousness played behind his eyes. It wasn’t a time to be lighthearted; this was the broaching of a serious conversation that they’d had time and time again, but Alex wasn’t ready to give into it so easily. He hoped that he could derail it, he hoped that their night could be saved.

1 Like

omg thank you! i’m kind of curious to know what you mean by it’s not what you were expecting lol

Yours is awesome as well! I like how you differentiate the character’s voices from one another.

Here’s mine from Culinary Confessions:

Present Day

Baking is like trying to figure out a puzzle. The puzzle pieces are nothing when they’re apart, but when you put them together, it creates something beautiful. Maddie liked to think baking a cake was like that too. The only difference is that you could actually eat your creation. She thought on this as she worked on her homework assignment, struggling to figure out how to answer the question her professor had laid out for her and her classmates.

Her side of the room her and her younger sister, Mia shared was decorated to her liking, with pictures of inspirational quotes on the wall along with an owl shaped nightlight on the side of her bed. Sunlight poured through the shades to reveal the stack of books on her writing desk that had yet to be finished.

2 Likes

I don’t really know how to explain it. I don’t expect works (huge generalization! With no meaning of offense to anyone) to have much weight to them on this platform. It’s difficult to develop true heaviness without it seeming manufacturers, which then makes it seem trivial. You just did a really good job!!

1 Like

oh wow, thank you! i’m glad that it doesn’t seem manufactured because i’m really hoping for this book to touch on a few important issues.

1 Like

Sí seguiría leyendo .Me gusta lo que hay en las lineas el gran algo tiene que ser memorable
Me toca,este es mi libro Solo tú

Mi vida era prácticamente una monotonía,ser una chica simple que comenzó a esconder sus sentimientos…simplemente vivir en una burbuja.

El silencio el único lugar que me daba paz o me atormentaba por dentro .De por sí reprimir mis emociones frente a los demás no era buena idea, pero la decisión de volver a confiar y entregar mi corazón a un chico había quedado muy lejos.Ser la única que no paso página con algo que ni siquiera paso,tener el corazón roto por alguien que ni le importaba .Me sentía tan patética, no pude hacer nada al respecto.

La única persona que sabía que estaba lastimada a causa de un chico, es mi mejor amiga Chloé,era la única persona que busque cuando me sentí tan rota y que necesitaba que estuviera allí para mí.

Si seguiría leyendo me atrajo como describes esta parte :sonreír:
mi libro solo tú
Mi vida era prácticamente una monotonía,ser una chica simple que comenzó a esconder sus sentimientos…simplemente vivir en una burbuja.

El silencio el único lugar que me daba paz o me atormentaba por dentro.De por sí reprimir mis emociones frente a los demás no era buena idea, pero la decisión de volver a confiar y entregar mi corazón a un chico había quedado muy lejos.Ser la única que no paso página con algo que ni siquiera paso,tener el corazón roto por alguien que ni le importaba.Me sentía tan patética, no pude hacer nada al respecto.

La única persona que sabía que estaba lastimada a causa de un chico, es mi mejor amiga Chloé,era la única persona que busque cuando me sentí tan rota y que necesitaba que estuviera allí para mí.

1 Like

Si seguiría leyendo.
Has captado mi atención en tus lineas me gusta a descripción que has hecho con lo del rompecabezas y hornear el pastel.

Lo siento, no entendí lo que pasó. Eres bueno :heart:

Es posible que tenga dificultades para encontrar a alguien que pueda criticarlo, ya que está en español.

1 Like

Aw gracias! Aunque hablo muy poco español.

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Es un comienzo interesante, aunque puede ser un pequeño cliché comenzar con un corazón roto, y un personaje que se niega a abrirse y acepta confiar en los hombres nuevamente.

Si, seguiría leyendo, dependiendo de la propaganda y de qué se tratará la historia, porque me gusta cómo expresaste las cosas, y estoy un poco intrigado :wink:



From my WIP, The Prince and the Spitfire

Aiden was not sure he could survive a summer in the country. He, however, didn’t have a choice.

He had been found in a compromising position with a married woman. It was certainly not the first time, nor would it be the last, but the husband, in this case, had been particularly offended by his spouse’s infidelity.

It was an old viscount who had married a young beauty, blonde and fair, and, from what Aiden had understood, couldn’t satisfy his new bride’s needs. So Aiden had taken it upon himself to console the poor lady. He was a gentleman, after all…

3 Likes

Yes, I would definitely read this! I am hooked already! LOL! I want to know more! This story is more than likely getting added to my reading list!

Here’s mine from The Four: Senior Year

7:50. Opening bell rings. I hear it as I follow behind a large group of people into a grungy, creme hallway. At the top of the hallway, three stripes race horizontally down. The first two stripes blue and the last one, a sun-faded yellow to a lackluster yellow. Carver High School, Home of the Blue Devils, painted just underneath the last stripe in a black script font. The whole school can use a touch of new paint, everything is faded because of the sun coming in from the collection of windows and doors at the entrance of the school. A monstrous, wooden trophy case crowds the wall, with glass shelves and doors. Each shelf is full of trophies, awards, and medals. I pause to study the school’s remarkable achievements. Five state titles in football, three L.A. City and California State soccer title trophies, several city and state trophies for the girl’s basketball team and the school’s most recent accomplishment, an International High School Basketball win.

1 Like

@JDujuan Since high school settings aren’t really my thing, it’s a bit hard for me to get into this story just by reading the first paragraph. So I might have to read on to see what it’s all about. But it does set the scene nicely and I can envision everything from your descriptions.

I also really like those two sentences :arrow_up: because they let my envision the faded appearance of the school and I like the word monstrous in connection with trophy case. :ok_hand:

@DarlaCassic I know yours got reviewed already, but I have to say this is hilarious. Aiden is such a gentleman, taking upon him the burden of providing the poor ladies with a bit of pleasurable action. :joy:

This is my first paragraph from Untie the Knot

“Engaged?” I stare at my mother as if she had just grown two more heads. “Again? Aren’t you getting too old for this?”

“One is never too old to find real love, honey.” My mum gives me a pitying look before turning back to the mirror on her vanity. “Although I’m starting to be a bit worried about you. When I was your age, I was already through my first divorce.”

4 Likes

Yes, I’d read on. This is such a hilarious and unusual opening and I’m dying to know how old the daughter is :purple_heart:

This is my first paragraph from Kit & Tully

Tully had an effect on Spike from the beginning. Even Felice paid attention, which rarely happened. Felice, on principle, was never impressed by anybody. But of the three of us, I was the first to meet Tully and at the time, I barely even noticed.

To me he was just a new guy who’d somehow ended up in Drimshanra, the pit of despair we call home.

1 Like

Yes, I would definitely read on! I love the description of the home and Tully!

Here is my first paragraph from Out of reach(this is the rewritten versioneven though I didn’t even finish the original, so it’s not on wattpad yet)

“Blaise?” I ask uncertainly. His blue-green gaze turns to me silently. “I think they’re asleep,” I whisper.
He looks over his shoulder to his brother, Luke and my sister, Alice. Blaise shakes his head making his ink-black hair fall into his eyes and smile. They’re slumped over each other on the green carpet, snoring quietly.
“I remember when we were like that,” he smiles.
I smile in response“I remember” I whisper. I remember how we were always together, we have always been best friends.
Just friends my little voice reminds, just friends.